Israel

I went to Israel this past break, and it gave me a new perspective on my own life, and the world outside of the USA. It was by far one of the most advanced spiritually and culturally learning experiences I have had in my life. Prior to the trip I was an atheist, and now I'll say I'm more agnostic in a sense. Or rather, I know something greater has to be out there, I just don't know if it is God, Aliens or something else. I know that sounds clichéd and cheesy, but it is true. Now if you are one of my good friends, you would ask immediately what onset my change of heart towards 'god' (because I rant about god from time to time), and it was the Western/Wailing Wall the holiest place on Earth for Judaism.

As I slowly walked over to the Wall I felt an immense amount of anxiety and pressure building up inside of  my body, and felt really nervous. In all honestly, I was almost scared of the Wall. I went up to the Wall, put a note to God in one of the cracks, and leaned against it and closed my eyes. As I stood at the Wall with my arms and head pressed against it, I felt nothing whatsoever, and my immediate response was, "Wow this is a boring Wall!". I decided that while I was there, I might as well say some prayers, so I chanted the Shema and Mourners Kaddish for my grandparents. After I finished, I looked around. To my left was Matthew Breitman, a friend of mine on the trip, who was praying too. To my right there was an orthodox man praying, but was weeping in a manner that you could tell he was asking God to save a life. Due to this I began to imagine the thousands and thousands of people like this man and me who had come to the Western Wall to pray since it was built nearly 3000 years ago, and what those people were praying for. The amount of human experience that has occurred at the Western Wall overwhelmed me, and I really zoned out for the next few minutes, just thinking about life. My Rabbi, Matt Green whispered to me that it was time to go. Being the ignorant, disrespectful and naïve teenager that I am, I took a selfie with the wall (Yikes!) and as I walked away from the Wall, I spoke to Matt Green, whom I respect very much, about how I didn't feel God in the Wall. In response he said this, and I'll never forget it:

"Jared, Judaism isn't like other religions in that you don't have to be super religious. You can be a Jew who doesn't believe in God, and is still a Jew. Judaism in my eyes is more cultural than religious. And  to be honest God isn't really my thing either. I just really don't want you to be turned of to Judaism as a whole now because you don't believe in God."

And just like that I began to weep like the man from the Wall. As I kept walking through the streets of Jerusalem with tears dripping down my face, I felt a presence that I cannot characterize. It wasn't God, but it wasn't my imagination.

Why did I cry?
What was the presence I felt?

Does god exist?

You tell me.